Browsing All Posts published on »March, 2011«

And the home of the brave play ball.

March 31, 2011

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“Winter will end with the last eight words of the national anthem, which are, as every real American knows, ‘and the home of the brave play ball’.” -George Will Even though the real opening day is tomorrow when the Cubs play, I figured I’d go along with the sham and reveal my predictions for the […]

Learning from mistakes is gay

March 31, 2011

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If I’ve learned anything lately, it’s that only big league jackasses learn from mistakes of the past.  It makes you a hypocrite, a baby-killer, and probably a Hinder fan. Secret secrets are no fun.  Secret secrets hurt someone. There’s the news that Obama is “secretly” agreeing to arm the Libyan rebels.  Because stuff like that […]

I bet Chuck Schumer drinks Mountain Dew by the bucket full.

March 29, 2011

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“I always use the word extreme,” Schumer unknowingly told reporters.  He was referring to the “extreme” budget cuts Republicans are trying to make.  They’re trying to tear down the foundations of our economy, like cowboy poetry festivals. Schumer was coaching fellow democrats on the most effective ways to exude horse shit from their mouths.  The best […]

Tim Pawlenty is pulling out all the stops in an effort to finish 3rd for the GOP nomination.

March 29, 2011

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It seems that Tim Pawlenty has recieved some sage advice from Mitt Romney:  “Keep talking until they like something you say.”  Want to know what his position is on an issue?  Well, what would you like it to be? It’s ok that he supported cap and trade because other people did, too!  “Everybody in the race, […]

Pat Bauer and the Scorcerer’s Stone

March 29, 2011

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I couldn’t decide what to title my post about Pat Bauer, the house minority leader in Indiana. This is Pat Bauer: Awesome, right? So here were the titles I was considering: 1. Pat Bauer and his independent hair. 2. Pat Bauer’s Big (Union Sponsored) Adventure (to Illinois) 3.  Pat Bauer saved democracy.  You’re welcome, Cleisthenes. […]

Chicago Cubs do something…not stupid?

March 29, 2011

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It’s true!  They’re starting the season with Andrew Cashner as the fifth starter and they released Carlos Silva.  In honor of this move, tomorrow I will wear a hat on my ass and shoes on my hands. I’m just hoping they aren’t trying to build up Cashner’s trade value to swap him for Steve Trachsel.

Bill Maher again fails miserably at being Rush Limbaugh

March 29, 2011

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If you’re trying desperately to establish yourself as the guy that “goes there”, the trick is to not make it so painfully obvious that you’re trying so desperately hard.  He’s like a living, breathing episode of Family Guy.  If I thought anybody besides myself and maybe my fiancée would be reading this, I would refuse to mention […]