Learning from mistakes is gay

Posted on March 31, 2011

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If I’ve learned anything lately, it’s that only big league jackasses learn from mistakes of the past.  It makes you a hypocrite, a baby-killer, and probably a Hinder fan.

Secret secrets are no fun.  Secret secrets hurt someone.

There’s the news that Obama is “secretly” agreeing to arm the Libyan rebels.  Because stuff like that has never, ever, ever, never come back to bite us.  We can trust these guys.

And if you can keep the moon landing hoax under wraps for all this time, surely they could have kept this “secret” a little bit longer.  It reminds me of the time they were listing the upcoming events at church.  One of them was “surprise breakfast”.  “Not much of a surprise now,” I hilariously thought to myself.  Turns out it said “sunrise breakfast”.  My point still stands, though.

Lindsey is still a girl name.

Then there’s baby genius, Lindsey Graham, letting his fellow Republicans know they’re hypocrites if they worry about the cost of the Libyan War (that’s right, Jay Carney.  I’ll call it a war if I want to).  Because, you know, if you have concerns about the cost of a questionable conflict with a country in the Middle East after living through the past 8 years, it’s obviously just because you’re racist or something.  It’s absurd to think these objections have anything to do with the cost of Iraq (although still not as expensive as the stimulus).  Cool job, Lindsey.

The Daily Show: Holding the government’s feet to the fire from 2001-2009.  Constantly bitching about a talk show host and an ex-governor ever since.

The best example of learning from mistakes being gay is the national debt.  As Jon Stewart so cleverly explains: Republicans caused deficits, too! (sarcasm is an oft used tool of mine.  I’m using it here when I call Stewart’s explanation clever).  I mean, it’s a great point.  If you had a hand in causing a problem, you’re a nazi, Bushitler, islamahomophobic hypocrite if you have an issue with the problem getting much, much worse.  Never mind the fact that our economy is set to collapse due to the debt in 30-some years at our current rate of debt.  Also, ignore the fact that at the end of Obama’s own 10 year budget projections, deficits will still be higher than Bush’s worst deficit (and are currently more than 3 times higher than Bush’s worst deficit.)  And while we’re at it, we should probably ignore that Obama underestimated his deficits just a bit.

Because you see, smart people like Stewart (another example of my expert use of sarcasm) realize that the debt is mostly the result of the Bushitler tax cuts.  You see, Stewart was smart enough to pass 7th grade Pre-Algebra and he realizes that the higher the tax rate on rich people, the more money you get from rich people.  If, for example, 40% gets you $1000, then 80% will obviously get you $2000.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t quite work out that way (and again here).  Did you know that under Reagan, the wealthiest 1% went from paying 17.6% of the tax burden to 27.5%?

And since Illinois doesn’t want to be gay, they raised their taxes in order to balance their budget.  However, when this starts happening, your plan begins to fall apart.  I wonder if that means Obama will change his mind about tax increases.

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Posted in: Informative